Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Through a Dark Looking Glass

TheRaven has long avoided a look into the wacky world of online Christian hucksterism. The interests, claims and positions of purported experts in "bible prophesy" and related nonsense are ridiculous by design. Christian hucksters premise their game on a simple foundation: acceptance of the bible as literal truth. Biblical literalists are easy prey because the bible, cobbled together from texts in three languages and subjected to further linguistic interpretation over 1,600 subsequent years, is utterly contradictory. The next time you find someone thumping the King James Bible in denunciation of homosexuals, ask them a simple question: who was King James? Biblical contradiction isn't limited to the printed word but it is fertile ground for profiting from the credulous.

Online biblical literalism is a Lewis Carroll nightmare. Richard Dawkins' characterization of religious fervor as mental illness is not off the mark, although Dawkins is an obnoxious elitist who missed the primacy of the Constitution (he's British) and defeats his own cause by advocating atheism. One of the many deists who founded America, Thomas Paine, had a better view: my own mind is my own church.

Unfortunately for TheRaven, who keenly appreciates mental health, the Be-A-Loon investigation discovered Don Koenig. You might remember him as one of many so-called Bible Prophets. TheRaven chased a few of Don's links and read some of his online discussions. Sheer lunacy was right around the corner in the form of a major whiskey tango foxtrot named

With a nod to Christopher Hitchens, this post begins inquiry on how Christian opportunists fleece the flock. The foundation is, of course, biblical literalism. Once the bible is used to block rational thought, the door to exploitation hangs wide open. It's like a virus that enables parasites. We may return to this inquiry in future as new material is discovered. Annotated screen shots with corresponding explanations begin our dark journey......

A) Where would a "Christian ministry" hold its UFO and Bible Prophecy conference? Where else but that unofficial capital of delusional thought, Roswell, New Mexico. One could argue that "Roswell" says it all, but please continue, there's more!

B) "Why do many Christians Think aliens are Demons?" - because ministers and conference organizers make more money if, after titillating the credulous with "aliens", they can scare open their wallets with "demons".

C) Leaving aside the phrase "unusual mission field" (which proves that Christianists have no sense of irony or humor), the Charisma Magazine story "Aliens Among Us" is highly revealing. Charisma magazine, purveyor of "spirit-filled news" is one of seven magazines published by Strang Communications. Two of the others are titled The Church Bookstore and Christian Retailing. Strang is well-positioned to profit from the charismatic fervor it instigates. And what might that be? According to the Charisma website, once you've been "filled with the holy spirit", the faithful may "operate in at least one charismatic gift, such as (speaking in) tongues, prophecy or healing". In other words, the Charisma demographic is Pentecostal, America's least educated religious affiliation. Hindus, who are the most educated American religious group, are characterized by numerous advanced degrees while Pentecostalism is known for a disproportionate concentration of high school dropouts. "Aliens Among Us" is a pointless fable written in 6th grade English.

D) Our jump through the looking glass found really poor web site design but Alien Resistance managed to nail down a .org and a .com. Funny how the .org is commercial while the .com site is used by Alien Resistance Ministries. There's no attempt to conceal naked commercialism here.

E) "Resisting the Alien Deception in the Power of Christ". Isn't it funny that a group whose stock and trade is literalism misses the literal interpretation of their creed, which is that the "Power of Christ" is influenced by alien deception.

F) There is a profession called copy editors whose job entails fixing English so that it makes sense to its intended audience. Copy editors work in advertising and publishing. A presentation titled "The Strong Delusion: UFOs, Aliens and the Coming Deception" is either evidence that their are no copy editors within 1,000 miles of a Christian huckster or that this presenter truly holds his audience in contempt.

G) The church sign looks like a parody of a real Church sign. (You can make your own fake church signs, ridicule Scientology and excoriate the Westboro "Baptist Church" at

H) Leaving aside the inherent nonsense of "Spiritual View of the UFO Phenomenon", "Evidences" should be singular. Perhaps copy editors, a near universally educated profession, have boycotted such nonsense?

I) "...former abductees who stopped their abduction experiences in the name and authority of Jesus Christ". A "former abductee" is one who has been abducted. The abduction occured in the past. How can they stop an experience that has already happened? Is the name and authority of Jesus Christ some kind of time machine? Welcome to Wonderland! Next stop, God's own symposium on Aliens.

J) "Ancient of Days" is a name for God in languages of antiquity. Nice way to dress up a bogus imprimatur, much more elegant than simply "God". I wonder how many of the credulous even question "Ancient of Days"?

K) Check out this dude in the Druid suit (or is that a Klan Kostume?). Click the link and he blows his horn (picture below). Exactly what does faux Druidic horn blowing have to do with a "Christian Symposium on Aliens"? The comic book mysticism is perfectly at odds with organizer claims that acceptance of UFOs as anything but "evil spirits known as demons" will lead the unwary to embrace "new age beliefs".

L) There are 10 purchase buttons on this page, each corresponds to products offered by symposium presenters. Nine of the buttons says "donate" and one says "buy now". Using "donate" is clever and cynical use of Constitutional guarantees of religious freedom to shield against possible application of consumer fraud statutes. Qualifying language appears at the bottom of page:

Some of us have a calling to research and teach the above material, which we already have done without earning income from the work (call us compelled). We do not however, further exceed our scriptural obligations (in this case) by giving these DVDs away, but invite you to fulfill your scriptural obligation by naming your own price according to your own conscience and ability to pay. Those who cannot afford much may simply offer whatever they can; those who can afford it are asked to offer a more reasonable amount to enable us to continue this work, and to help provide for sending DVDs to those who cannot offer much at this time. If your suggested donation does not at least cover our reproduction & shipping costs, you will be notified and your donation will be refunded immediately if desired.

Translation: buy our superstitious nonsense at the price we'll ultimately specify, meanwhile, we'll hide behind characterization of commercial transactions as fulfillment of your religious duty.

"Ancient of Days" inspires more than just con artists. There's a band in Leeds that goes by that moniker and they need a vocalist. Perhaps they could snag the horn-blowing dude. His YouTube clip is only a one-note instrumental but even if he can't sing, he's got the right look for the band's revelations-ready genre. They play death metal.

Be A Loon

Norman Leboon was arrested for threatening to kill House Minority Whip Eric Cantor. You knew that and may have seen comments by members of the Masses of Asses Serving Terribly Egregious Republican Bigots Against Taxing Excess (MASTERBATE) movement, blaming Be-a-Loon's actions on the Left's "climate of hate". So that's why Be-a-Loon threatened to kill a Republican?

TheRaven recognizes an affidavit as comedic art when one comes along. Once again, the media missed all the good stuff. It seems in the threat-o-gram he posted on YouTube, Be-a-Loon referred to Mrs. Cantor as a "...cupcake evil wife.." and when interviewed by the FBI, claimed he is "son of the god of Enoch". We'll get back to cupcake evil.

One Google search revealed that Be-a-Loon could be related to a deity of the Enoch Pratt Library, Enoch, Utah or the Book of Enoch. Oops! Seems like one minor fool and a Google search kicked the lid off Pandora's Box of Bible Prophets and Don Koenig appears to be the Googliest prophet of them all. He of fame claims "30 years of study on bible prophecy" and says the Book of Enoch is "The most successful, enduring and damaging cover-up of “The Truth” about our planet’s frequent visitors".


From a Philadelphia affidavit to aliens in one Google search! Makes that famous documentary, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, look like a boy scout hike. Let's see what else Don the Prophet has to say about Enoch's Big Book......

"The Book of Enoch comes up now and then in Bible prophecy. So you might want to be aware of the arguments presented in and about this book. You have to be very careful here because some people will use the Book of Enoch for actually proving that Aliens exist. Alien Resistance and other Christian websites like them say that these beings will be nothing more than fallen Angels setting us up for great deception."

Great deception, you say? Where would we be without Don Koenig protecting the innocent from those who would misuse.....hold on....did he say Alien Resistance? Is that a Christian thing? Crap! Another thing we'll have to cover.

Don insightfully observes that "...the United Nations under the authority of Satan allowed the creation of Israel" and that the second-coming will occur between 2027-2041, with "95 percent statistical likelihood". Satan as Master of the United Nations seems like a notion that MASTERBATErs would heartily subscribe to. Don Koenig as a Prophetic Statistician is a notion that TheRaven can't quite comprehend. Aren't Prophets just supposed to know?

Those looking for uneducated Christian Right Ranting will not be disappointed by Don's blog. He's got the inside dope on the Council of Foreign Relations. Yeah.

Leave it to your American media to miss the Book of Enoch connection. It's as clear as Don Koenig is prophetic that Be-a-Loon has identified a new form of evil! Perhaps it's trans-national, could be trans-gender and it certainly has trans-fats. But exactly what kind of cupcakes could possibly emanate cupcake evil?

Obviously, alien cupcakes!!

Now go spread the word - the alien cupcake conspiracy is on!

(Alien Resistance covered in next post)

Hutaree Islamic Jihad

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What do you call people who actively plan armed attacks on American citizens? What do you call them if they plan to kill women and children? What do you call them if they sanctify murder in the name of God? (Given the history of Christianity, that last question is a bit silly).

Well, if they weren't white, poor and uneducated, you'd call them Islamic Jihadists. Three things make these losers different from their Jihadist compatriots: (1) they're white; (2) they speak English; (3) they're American citizens. When it comes to poor, uneducated and stupid, this bunch is totally simpatico.

Do you think their
"Christian faith" makes them any different from the people who main and kill American soldiers? Let's see what the indictment says....

Since at least 2008, the HUTAREE has been meeting regularly to conduct military-style training in Lenawee County, located in the Eastern District of Michigan, and elsewhere. The purpose of this training has been to plan and prepare for the impending war with the HUTAREE's enemies. The general concept of operations provided that the HUTAREE would commit some violent " act to draw the attention of law enforcement or government officials and which would prompt a response by law enforcement. Possible such acts which were discussed included killing a member of law enforcement after a traffic stop, killing a member of law enforcement and his or her family at home, ambushing a member of law enforcement in rural communities, luring a member of law enforcement with a false 911 emergency call and then killing him or her, and killing a member of law enforcement and then attacking the funeral procession motorcade with weapons of mass destruction. These acts would intimidate and demoralize law enforcement diminishing their ranks and rendering them ineffective.

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Killing a family at home?

Murdering a policeman to create a funeral procession, as a target?

Do Christians do that?